It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
