Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
