so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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