hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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