Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
