I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
