Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
