I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
