Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
