i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
