i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
