goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
