uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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