Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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