she was so not down for the gang bang
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
