If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize