she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
