no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
