birth control should be required to get into college
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
