Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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