so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
