I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize