how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
