I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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