I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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