working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
