All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize