I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
