We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
