So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
