i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
