so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
