I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
