I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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