people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Are my feet made of real feet?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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