Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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