You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
