I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
