when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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