I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
