take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
