I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
