Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
