A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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