Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
