My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
