I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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