You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
