before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
