There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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