I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
