His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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