get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
