YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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