Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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