Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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