ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
