Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
