Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
