My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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