as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
