The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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