I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
