I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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