i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
