Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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