I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
