It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
