Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize