'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
