he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
