Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize