I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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