so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
