I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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