So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Even my vagina gasped.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
