My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize