Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
