Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
