I just threw up on my dentist
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
