I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
