I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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