She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
